August 2nd just happens to be International Beer Day. Who knew? Hey, hey! Kyra Kyle here. To celebrate this holiday (or observance) that I just found out about, we’ll be breaking down the Top 5 fictional beers in video games.
Quick content warning: We’ve noticed that video games that name fictional beers often travel into crude territory. We tried to tone down the gross-out humor and sexual content, but there may be a few mentions in this post.
After applying the restriction of one fictional beer per video game franchise, I found this list difficult to compile. Numerous video games include beer, but they often give it the generic name “beer” or have a sponsorship with a real-world beer brand. The games that create their own beer brands typically have more than one fictional beer brand, and then there are near beers. Nuka-Cola Dark is the Fallout universe’s favorite soft drink, blended with rum. That’s not exactly a beer. With that said, we were able to find five of the tastiest fictional beers in video games.
5) Ion Bru (Void Bastards)
Void Bastards is a well-received sci-fi first-person shooter inspired by BioShock. If nothing else, I may be finding more video games to put on my to-be-played list. Void Bastards has some interesting game mechanisms I’d like to try. Ion Bru pokes fun at Scotland’s second national beverage (second only to Scotch), Irn-Bru.
Unfortunately, I don’t believe anyone drinks Ion Bru within Void Bastards. The can pictured before this entry is used as an upgrade material. Ion Bru is included in the following recipes: air freshener, colon cleanser, and germspiker. Germspiker and colon cleanser? Are we sure we should be drinking Ion Bru?
4) Mazte (Elder Scrolls Series)
Typically, the Elder Scrolls series calls its beers by a generic name, or it replaces beer with mead. But the Elder Scrolls does have a beer from Morrowind: Mazte. I know. I know. Mazte may be the Dunmer name for beer, but it’s unique enough to make this list. And we’re striking out on beer brands for this list. Ion Bru may not be a drink people consume, matze may not be a brand, and I don’t know about the next entry. I love Morrowind, so mazte takes the fourth spot.
According to its entry in the Morrowind guide, Mazte is a local beer brewed from fermented saltrice. Cheap, plentiful, and invigorating, this beverage is popular, despite its dulling effect of wit and judgement. For the price, folks are willing to feel dumb and weak-willed, so long as they feel strong. Sounds like beer to me, but fermented saltrice? I don’t know about that. It might raise my blood pressure.
3) Pißwasser (Grand Theft Auto Series)
Grand Theft Auto is one of those video game series with plenty of beer brands. Even Sprunk Cola has its own alcohol variant, which may venture into Nuka-Cola Dark territory. So, we decided to go with Pißwasser. I know. I promised tasty fictional beers. Pißwasser may not fit that bill.
Pißwasser (or Pisswasser) made its first appearance in Grand Theft Auto IV and has been a staple in the series ever since. The German import lager is advertised everywhere. You’ll hear about it on the in-game radio and see it on television or billboards (many of which have suggestive themes; I didn’t include one billboard that may show a woman recycling what she drank–ew). The name suggests that Pisswasser doesn’t taste great, but everyone in the GTA universe loves it. You can even purchase stocks of the brand and try to get rich.
You may be in for a good time. Whoops! I butchered the tagline. You’re in for a good time with Pisswasser. Yuck. Just make sure you don’t drink too much, or else you’ll stumble and lose your bearings and maybe worse.
2) Gamma Gulp Beer (Fallout Series)
While Gwinnett has an entire line of beers in Fallout 4, they don’t capture the imagination as much as Gamma Gulp Beer from Fallout 2 and Fallout Tactics. This beer hasn’t been seen much in the series since, but that could change. I would love to see an updated Gamma Gulp in Fallout 5 or even Fallout 76. Make it happen, Bethesda.
Just look at the happy ghoul in the picture above. How can you resist a sip of Gamma Gulp? Come to think of it, the Fallout universe must’ve started brewing Gamma Gulp after the bombs fell. That or they predicted ghouls. Interesting.
1) Poseidon Pilsner (BioShock Series)
Poseidon Pilsner had to take the top spot because it inspired a brewery in California of the same name. Poseidon Pilsner made its first appearance in BioShock. Most of Rapture’s bars sports the pils; there are even bars named after the beer.
I like how BioShock layered the above Poseidon poster over an advertisement for 123 Beer, which is another beer that could’ve made this list if we didn’t have our pesky one beer per franchise. Poseidon gets the nod because it’s the only beer on this list–so far–that has inspired a real-world brewery. I’m going to be honest. If a Pisswasser becomes a thing, I may have to try a sip.
That’s our list. Which video game fictional beers would you include on this list? Let us know in the comments. Thank you for reading, and wherever you are, I hope you’re having a great day.
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