3 Lists of 3 – Page 3

3 Lists of 3 Video Game Enemies Made of Weak Sauce

Published on October 15, 2018September 8, 2024 by KyraLeave a comment

Video game villains or enemies can’t all be made of the finer things like Final Fantasy VI’s Kefka, Shadow of the Colossus’ Dormin or even Bowser. This week your uncle Geekly’s three list of three will cover the video game enemies who bleed weak sauce.

These are the guys you can bludgeon with one strike of your foam hammer, and they’ll pass out. We’ll start with ones you can find in many different video game franchises.

Pathetic Generic Enemies

Rats

Why does it always have to be rats? These little rodents don’t put up much of a fight unless they swarm the field. To be fair, that’s what a lot of games do with rats to make them more of a menace, but rats still don’t strike fear in the hearts of virtual heroes. My eyes get wide when I see them in an Elder Scrolls game. Heck, I picked the Fighter’s Guild quest line first in Morrowind, because of the rats.

A couple of well-placed swings will send the hoards to rat heaven where the streets are made of Cheez-Its, and it rains cheese fondue.

Skeletons

While you’ll see another undead come up next, skeletons are a classic video game enemy. I’m not exactly sure what holds them together, especially since they can’t take a licking. Super Mario Bros’ Dry Bones fall apart and somehow get back together after taking a couple of breaths(?).

Skeletons aren’t that sneaky either because you can hear their bones rattling across an empty tomb, and that’s where one would normally find one. At least the player has to look down at their feet—or non-existent feet if you’re playing Elder Scrolls—to see a rat after hearing it squeak.

There’s a reason why Undertale’s Sans came out of nowhere: skeletons aren’t supposed to be tough.

Zombies

Zombies are the undead version of rats. A single zombie doesn’t scare the typical gamer, one shot to the head usually does the trick, but that’s not what makes zombies formidable. It’s the throng of zombies—or is it the herd or hoard?—that makes people drop soft serve in their Underoos.

Still, zombies are overdone. They may be more overdone than rats and skeletons at this point, especially since many video games change what they call zombies. Draugr. Feral ghouls. Clickers. Infected. They’re still zombies.

Pitiful Unique Enemies

Slimes (Dragon Quest)

Slimes are one of the first things fans of Dragon Quest think of. They’re iconic. They also consist of nothing but weak sauce in the shape of a poop emoji. There’s a reason slimes are often your first enemy when starting a Dragon Quest game. They’re easy.

Keep smiling though. You’re the poop.

Goombas (Super Mario Brothers)

Yep. The mushroom shaped goombas are another example of an iconic video game enemy that’s too easy to kill. All Mario has to do is jump on them, and that’s a good thing because that’s all Mario can do at the beginning of most Super Mario Brothers games. One word: squish.

Mudcrabs (Elder Scrolls)

If an Elder Scrolls entry doesn’t start a player with rats, it’ll start them with mudcrabs. Let’s mix it up and start the player character in a half-flooded dungeon and pit them against half rats and half mudcrabs.

Mudcrabs are just crabs who live in mud. Despite their shell, they’re easy to defeat. The only thing that would scare me is if my character somehow contracted mudcrabs. That would scare me a lot more than Ataxia.

Ridiculously Easy Boss Enemies

Alduin (Elder Scrolls)

Man, I’m beating up on Elder Scrolls with these lists. I’m sorry, Bethesda. I promise that I like your games. I’m a huge Bethesda fanboy, but they’ve made some stinker enemies. The build-up to Alduin in Skyrim was fantastic, but Alduin himself must’ve read the word of weakness right before the main storyline’s final battle.

I’ve had tougher battles getting rid of mudcrabs.

Human Reaper Larva (Mass Effect 2)

Mass Effect is another series I love, but it’s another case of the final villain of the game (Mass Effect 2 to be specific) not living up to its billing. Cast as the most powerful and terrifying race, the vision gamers built of reapers in the minds was shattered when fighting this simplistic enemy. It wasn’t terrifying. It took no time at all to beat. I’m thinking human DNA wasn’t the best one to choose from. Countless hours of making reapers sound awesome wasted.

343 Guilty Spark (Halo 3)

He’s a tiny AI that’s cast as comic relief in the final installment of the Halo trilogy. This game is what the entire series built up toward, and guess who the ultimate boss turned out to be? The tiny AI that was supposed to be comic relief and takes three hits to take out. His name is even 343 Guilty Spark. Bungie is guilty of making a lame villain.

There’s plenty of weak sauce to go around. I spread a little on my hot dogs every game night. Which villains do you think are weak sauce? Let us know in comments, and if you like more daily, weak write-ups, subscribe for updates.

Tabletop Games for Fall 2018

Published on October 8, 2018October 6, 2018 by KyraLeave a comment

As you may know, good old uncle Geekly likes tabletop games, so we couldn’t go too long without making a three list of three for board games.

We’ll get the game rolling with Worker Placement games.

The first list of these lists of three took the most time. I started from the bottom of boardgamegeek (BGG) and searched for a game that I liked. It took about an hour to find my first one, so here it goes.

Underrated Tabletop Games

Doughnut Drive-Thru (6.25 out of 10 on BGG)

I couldn’t believe Doughnut Drive-Thru was as low as 6096 on BGG. Okay, I can believe it. Die rolls to determine whether you can prepare a specialty doughnut or serve one doesn’t sit well with many modern board gamers, but despite the rampant use of luck, there’s plenty of tactical choices with Doughnut Drive-Thru, and it’s a great, simple game to introduce new gamers to the worker placement mechanism. Plus, I like the fun art. Kawaii!

Starfall (6.36 out of 10 on BGG)

Starfall is most likely 5464 on BGG because it’s less about star gazing and more about finding constellations and somehow purchasing them with stardust. Finally, I have some way of unloading my spare stardust.

The game makes little to no sense with its subject matter, but it’s a solid game. I like it a lot and there may be other games in the overrated list that get away with not holding their theme as closely as they should. Starfall is also another pretty game and at $20-$25, it goes for a nice price. Unless that’s 25 stardust. I’m not sure of the stardust to US dollar exchange rate.

Batman: Gotham City Strategy Game (6.08 out of 10 on BGG)

Yep, there’s a trend. Batman: Gotham City Strategy Game is much lower at 4066 on BGG than it should be because it has a misleading title. Players don’t take on the guise of Batman, they’re members of Batman’s rogues gallery like the Joker, Penguin, and Two Face. That’s not a bad thing. I can do the Joker.

If you listen real closely, you can almost hear Harley Quinn outside my window.

The game can also become too much of a brain burner as the “strategy” in the game’s title alludes to, and some elements in the game step a little bit away from the source material. If a player gets too strong, Batman—who is a non-player-controlled element of the game—will target the leader. It gives the game balance, but players may feel a little less super. Still, Batman: Gotham City Strategy Game is solid, and being evil can put a smile on your face.

Overrated Tabletop Games

Gloomhaven (8.97 out of 10 on BGG)

It’s easy to pick the top-rated game on BGG as overrated, but it doesn’t mean that Gloomhaven isn’t at least a bit overrated. It’s certainly not for everyone. It destroys any other dungeon crawl—Descent can hardly be found on many people’s top 10 lists since Gloomhaven’s release—but the hype around Gloomhaven colored the game as having more of a story and being more character-driven than it ended up being. So, I guess I’d blame the hype, even though any game could use a hype man.

Agricola (8.02 out of 10 on BGG)

I liked Agricola when it first came out, but there have been countless games—including Uwe Rosenberg’s follow-up Caverna: The Cave Farmers—that do a better job than Agricola at scratching a worker placement/farming game itch and yet, Agricola is still well in the top 20 of all tabletop games on BGG. My biggest pet peeve is that Agricola insists that everyone play the game the same way and do everything that’s in the game. So what if I want to be the best pig farmer in the game? That’s my prerogative and don’t ask questions about my pig fetish. Squee!

Eclipse (7.97 out of 10 on BGG)

Eclipse is another case of hype and mistaken identity. Many folks claimed it was a short Twilight Imperium, but it’s too much of a Euro game—games that are obsessed with balance and don’t have enough of a “this is awesome” vibe—to be a quick TI. Further still, the game can get needlessly fiddly. There are too many rules for a game that isn’t supposed to take as long as TI. I don’t care what Appendix IX, Paragraph 12, Line 31 says. Help!

Anticipated Upcoming Tabletop Games

Gen7: A Crossroads Game (TBD)

There isn’t a release date for Gen7: A Crossroads Game yet, but the inclusion of the words “A Crossroads Game” got me excited in a special place—of my heart, you sickos. Plaid Hat Games promised years ago of a gaming series featuring the Crossroads story-based system that originated in Dead of Winter (2014). All they’ve done so far has been pumping expansions for the tabletop juggernaut, but it looks as if there will be a true sequel no later than early 2019. Gen7 is a lost in space game, which could be interesting, and a lot different from Dead of Winter’s zombie theme. Another Crossroads Game would be far out.

KeyForge (Holidays 2018)

While Gen7 is part of a series I like, KeyForge is the latest game by a designer I like Richard Garfield (of Magic: the Gathering fame). Recently, I’ve had a chance to pre-game release demo KeyForge, so this write up will change as a result. I’m still interested in this game, so it qualifies for this list. KeyForge hits many of the same notes as Magic, but players are forging keys, hence in the name, instead of defeating their opponents. The game is also sold by the deck, not by boosters, and each deck is unique.

KeyForge does its best to streamline Magic game mechanisms as players draw cards and ready (or untap) at the end of their turns. This does enough to make this game difficult for a Magic veteran to wrap their brain around—I had issues keeping things straight—and it cleans up some of Magic’s timing.

KeyForge won’t be for everyone. Preconstructed decks mean that players won’t have the option of building their own decks, but I’m sure the community will push back on this and there may be a way for players to merge decks. And I love the game’s price point. I tend to buy Magic starter decks and a few boosters per set. KeyForge’s business model mirrors this type of consumption. It’s a more cost-effective Magic.

Guardians Chronicles (October 2018)

Ah, we come to one of my favorite game types: shuffle building (combining small decks or pods to form a large one). Come to think of it, I have a lot of favorite game types. Anyway, Guardians Chronicles is another Plaid Hat Games release and I may be just as excited for it as I am for Gen7. I also like the superhero theme—there aren’t enough games with this theme—but I’m a little considered about the game being competitive. So long as the superheroes attack villains, I’m okay, but if the superheroes attack each other, that may defeat the purpose of superheroes. We’ll have to see how Guardians Chronicles plays out, but I’m definitely playing a game or two.

Are there any tabletop games you think are overrated or underrated? Which tabletop games do you look forward to in the coming months? And which ones of those games would you like to lose to your uncle Geekly? Mwah-ha-ha! Let us know in the comments.

TV for Fall 2018

Published on October 1, 2018September 30, 2018 by KyraLeave a comment

TV? I know what you’re thinking. The last iteration of JKGeekly devolved into nothing but TV posts. Don’t worry, we’ll get back to other geekery. Today we’re going to warm up with a new type of post: 3 Lists of 3.

This particular type of post will feature three small, interrelated lists of three. I hope you like the format because I have more than this one planned for Mondays. Here are three lists of three for television that I’m sure will offend someone. I don’t care. Do your worst.

Underrated or Overlooked TV Series

The Magicians (7.5 out of 10 on imdb)

This particular list of 3 was difficult to compile. I’m starting with a series that isn’t that lowly rated, but it’s still rated a 7-point-something; it’ll be hard to find something good to say about a 6 or less. The Magicians gets a lot of gratuitous nudity and over-sexed hate that Game of Thrones gets—more on GoT in a bit—but like Game of Thrones that hate may go too far. It also gets saddled as a Harry Potter clone, and again, that’s as unfair of a comparison as GoT and Lord of the Rings. The Magicians is an interesting take on magic in a modern setting and is one of the better, binge-able SyFy shows.

BBC’s Skins (8.2 out of 10 on imdb)

Did I mention how difficult this list was to compile? The BBC version of Skins makes this list despite being rated an 8.2 because fewer people have seen it, and they should. Skins is an odd show. It centers around teenagers making their way in the world and the bizarre things that happen to them. We’re talking a musical number breaking out of nowhere and someone who suffers from anorexia getting phantom text messages to tell her to eat. I received text messages for weeks, telling me to eat more fiber. Those were some angry butt dials.

Anyway, Skins is also an odd show to watch as several of the cast regulars, who were in their late teens or early twenties at the time, have since appeared in major films and television shows.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (7.7 out of 10 on imdb)

Yeah, Skins may have two or three sneaky musical numbers in the series run, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has two or three musical numbers in each episode. It’s not for everyone. I even pause the show every once and a while because it’s getting too ridiculous. She’s singing about period sex again. Turn on the red light.

It’s also a bit of a cheat having the show on this list because the critics at Rotten Tomatoes rate it in the 90s, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is very good and tends to get overlooked.

It’s a CW show that satires other CW shows. At first, it subtly suggests that someone who lives their life according to romances (books, TV shows, and movies) should seek psychiatric help because life doesn’t follow a romance plot. After a while it flat out says, life isn’t a romantic comedy. It’s okay to enjoy them, but don’t expect your life to be one. There is more love in life than romantic love. You can love your family and friends. Sorry. Uncle Geekly has a long, complicated history with CW shows, so this sentiment is refreshing, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend also does a good job at handling mental illness and behavioral problems without stigma. And some of the musical numbers are catchy and fun—even the ones about period sex.

Overrated TV Series

Game of Thrones (9.4 out of 10 on imdb)

I’m not saying that Game of Thrones is bad by any means, but 9.4 is a little high. As of this write-up it’s the fourth best TV show of all time according to imdb, edging out Breaking Bad. I’d place Breaking Bad ahead of Game of Thrones and there are plenty of shows further down the list that I’d happily place ahead of the gang from Westeros too. Oddly enough, some of the reasons I’d knock Game of Thrones down a few dozen spots are the same reasons George R. R. Martin believed that it wouldn’t make a good TV show: too many characters, and at times, unfocused storytelling.

Stranger Things (8.9 out of 10 on imdb)

If neuroscience is correct in saying that nostalgia provides a similar chemical brain reaction as methamphetamines, then Stranger Things is TV’s version of crystal meth. Hey, another Breaking Bad reference. Yay! There’s little else to this series than a ton of callbacks that include frame-by-frame recreations of 80s shows and movies. I like plenty of 80s properties, but if I have a hankering for 80s nostalgia, I’ll watch the originals.

House of Cards (8.8 out of 10 on imdb)

House of Cards can be fun to watch. I like seeing how the various traps are set and schemes come to fruition, but the show gets a little too ridiculous at times. Perhaps even random musical number ridiculous. One needs to suspend disbelief to an absurd measure with this title. While I’m okay doing that for the occasional fantasy or science fiction story, it’s a little difficult to do so for shows that are supposed to be more grounded.

It also doesn’t help that Kevin Spacey’s recent sex scandal and subsequent firing from the show make House of Cards difficult to watch.

Intriguing Upcoming TV Series

The Romanoffs (October 12, 2018)

The Romanoffs is the first TV show from the creator of Mad Men since Mad Men ended in 2015. It also features a great cast of Diane Lane, Aaron Eckhart, and Paul Reiser and centers around various people who believe they’re descendant of the Russian royal family. This could get trippy, and I look forward to watching the Amazon original.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (October 26, 2018)

The reboot of the campy teen series Sabrina the Teenage Witch airs just before Halloween and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina pits a young witch against the forces of evil that threaten her family and the world. Mad Men star Kiernan Shipka stars as Sabrina, and the reboot shows plenty of promise. But if there’s no talking cat, I might reconsider.

Homecoming (November 2, 2018)

I may need to listen to the hit Gimlet Media podcast of the same name, but the excellent cast (Julia Roberts, Sissy Spacek, and Dermot Mulroney to name a few) and Mr. Robot creator Sam pique my interest.

Are there any shows we missed with our lists? Which shows do you think are overrated or underrated? Which shows do you look forward to this upcoming season? Let us know in the comments.