Hey, hey, Geekly Gang! I haven’t done a free-to-play video game review in a handful of months and figured I’d give the treatment to a game I played a lot of this past summer, Clicker Heroes. Yes. Clicker Heroes has been out for over a decade, but it’s still available on multiple platforms: PC, mobile, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One. Clicker Heroes started as a Flash game, so this free-to-play video game has been around for some time. But just because a game is “free-to-play,” does that mean that it’s free-to-play friendly? Let’s subject Clicker Heroes to our review criteria.

Mechanisms: 2/10

Clicker Heroes doesn’t cover new ground, so its mechanisms score suffers as a result. Don’t get me wrong, I like idle games. I played the heck out of AdVenture Capitalist. I did the same with Clicker Heroes. I sunk hundreds of hours into this game, but it doesn’t do anything more than click on heroes, like the game’s name suggests, allow you to upgrade the heroes, and then face the next goofy-looking boss monster.

I do like how you can choose to upgrade your heroes by factors of 1, 10, 25, and 100 levels each time. This makes leveling up lesser heroes like Cid, the Helpful Adventurer (your first Hero), a breeze. Goldfish and Bees will flash on the screen with button prompts, but this does little to shake up the stale gameplay.

Above Image from GameDesigning.Org

Gameplay Loop: 2/10

I know I just said I sunk hundreds of hours into Clicker Heroes, but most of that time I spent AFK (away from keyboard), and that’s by design. Clicker Heroes is one of those games you log in once, maybe twice, a day, check on your heroes, and put the game back to sleep.

You’re encouraged to “ascend” your world, which erases much of your progress, and then you must climb back to where you just were. This is what keeps Clicker Heroes’ gameplay loop score from reaching even lower, because Clicker Heroes’ most engaging gameplay is at the beginning. Waiting for your power-ups to recharge or your characters to defeat enough monsters to upgrade your heroes becomes tedious.

After some time, you can use hero souls (from ascending) and purchase Ancients that can help you progress faster in the game, but once you reach Level 300, you’re given the choice to “transcend” your world. This is another layer of ascending that erases your gilded heroes (upgraded heroes through relics) and your Ancients. So, after “ascending,” you go all the way back to the game’s tedious beginnings.

But you do obtain “Outsiders,” which are supposed to be stronger Ancients, but it takes a long time to accrue enough ancient souls, what you get for “transcending,” before you begin to see a tangible difference. Plenty of websites offer ideas on how to speed this process, but I don’t imagine too many players will sink enough time into learning Clicker Heroes’ math to take full advantage. Clicker Heroes becomes a slog.

Respecting Time: 1/10

Clicker Heroes is an idle game, so it’s supposed to be more of a time waster, and it does indeed do that. I can forget Clicker Heroes exists for several days and return to my heroes. But Clicker Heroes makes upgrading your world so difficult that it goads gamers into either spending hours of research to get the perfect set-up or spending money to make the hurting stop. Is the drop of juice you get worth the tens of billions of squeezes? I don’t think so.

True Cost: 3/10

While Clicker Heroes offers skins for auto-clickers (Why would anyone want that?, but okay), it gains most of its money through the purchase of rubies. Fortunately, players can earn rubies by sending mercenaries on missions, opening relics, and clicking on goldfish. But I still struggled with how to grade Clicker Heroes’ “True Cost” or its “free-to-play friendliness,” because I can see players getting caught in a trap. Heck, I got baited into that same trap: reviving mercenaries.

Every once in a while, one of your mercenaries may perish while on a mission. You can spend rubies to revive a mercenary, but there’s some math (I haven’t done the research) where the mercenary’s level and/or the amount of time they have remaining for a mission dictates the number of rubies you’ll need to revive them. In my experience, reviving mercenaries takes a mountain of rubies. Players have little chance of having enough rubies to revive advanced mercenaries, like the “Demigod +13 level” mercenary pictured above with the low, low revival price of almost 5000 rubies. Looks like time to open another credit card and buy 5000 rubies for about $400.

With one exception, outside of reviving mercenaries, I see little use for spending rubies. That one exception is a one-time damage boost for your Heroes. This costs somewhere between 50-100 rubies, and once you buy it, you’ll have it for the duration of the game. 100 rubies or less is a steal.

But the remaining ruby purchases involve buying gilded Heroes, which will reset after you ascend, some version of speeding up Clicker Heroes’ glacial pace, or buying an auto-clicker. Eh. I almost gave Clicker Heroes an average score for “True Cost.” Reviving mercenaries aside, few of the other ruby purchases can be avoided.

User Interface: 2/10

Clicker Heroes doesn’t have that many menus and submenus, but what is there is confusing and difficult to navigate. I’ve played the game for months and still get turned around, not knowing where I can find certain information. I can’t imagine a noob looking at the screen above and being able to tell what does what. And several buttons have multiple functions, so it’s easy to misclick.

Graphics: 3/10

While simplistic, Clicker Heroes’ graphics are pleasant. I’m grading this one on a little bit of a curve, because Clicker Heroes is over ten years old. But the game hasn’t received too many graphic updates through the years, so I can’t get too crazy with this score.

Audio: 6/10

I had to average Clicker Heroes’ audio score. Clicker Heroes has epic music. It often gets stuck in my head. But the sound effects are as annoying and repetitive as clicking a button thirty-five times a second. Ow! My ears. Those moments when I don’t use an ability and listen to Clicker Heroes’ soundtrack make all the difference for this score.

Aggregated Score: 2.72

Clicker Heroes is an idle game, so don’t expect much. While it has charm, the graphics haven’t been upgraded too much to keep up with modern devices. Clicker Heroes can be a slog if you don’t research how to maximize your Heroes or spend money, and I worry about gamers who fall into the ruby pit of reviving their “good” mercenaries.