For the month of November we want to be thankful for the great superheroes and super villains we have and also give thanks for the lame heroes and villains who didn’t stick around for long. We’ll start by giving you the name of a lame hero and a group of lame—sometimes gross, sometimes offensive—powers they may have. You have to guess which one’s the real power. Yes. These heroes have existed or still exist today.
a) A welder who has an army of dogs—take that, Aquaman.
b) Welds several dogs together to make super dogs—Who wouldn’t want a LabraPoodlePugADoodle?
c) Welds dogs to villains’ faces—evil can’t escape the wet, burnt dog smell.
d) Reanimates dogs he welded from pet cemetery corpses.
2) Hindsight Lad
a) Knows how events could have played out but can’t do anything to change them—and the point of this is?
b) Reminds you of the mistakes you’ve made—the most hated member of any superhero team.
c) Time travels to the past so he can relive mistakes—because some people can’t let go.
d) Can see everyone’s posterior in a room with a single glance—some guys are all about the booty.
3) Brother Power the Geek
a) Our brother from another mother who works as an intern at JK Geekly.
b) A comic book geek who received powers comparable to Superman—if you wish hard enough, it’ll happen.
c) A pimply-faced boy Power Man and Iron Fist met on the street, befriended, and then mentored in the art of Kung Fu—Who says you can’t meet nice people in back alleys?
d) A ventriloquist dummy brought to life with powers comparable to Superman.
a) Wields a sonic gun that causes foes to flop on the deck like a fish.
b) Suffering from penis envy, he wields rocket cannons, spring-loaded boxing gloves, and giant drills—from his pants.
c) Shoots fish with a super-sized cod cannon—take a whiff of Justice at low tide.
d) A cop who keeps a gun stashed in his pants—double check the safety.
a) Hands out magical gold stars that brighten people’s days and makes them nice to one another.
b) He sits atop the Baxter Building’s Christmas tree—shine on, you crazy diamond.
c) Dresses like a star whose light blinds all evildoers.
d) With Superman-like powers Goldstar outshines his brother Silverstar.
a) Causes lightning and thunder with his oversized divining rod.
b) Causes seismic activity with every step he takes.
c) Yells real loud with a microphone hidden in his costume—and he has a beautiful man’s voice, too.
d) Knows where a storm is just by hearing the thunder—a useful skill to calm sidekick children.